Guess I Should Talk About Kane, Too, Huh?

The Walk Of Shame. (Photo: via deadspin.com)

I was hoping that my forced hiatus from Runs On Duncan would have left enough time for this story to die down, but apparently there are some columnists who just can’t help but hitch Patrick Kane’s lost weekend to the “Trade Kane” train that seems to pull into Chicago every summer.

I’m not on on that bandwagon, just in case you weren’t sure.

However, I am on the bandwagon that asks (or begs, or pleads) with Kane to tone down his stupidity, like Rick Morrissey from the Sun-Times:

I don’t want to go all Puritan on Kane here. It can’t be overstated that he’s 23. But does his, um, enthusiasm have to be so public? Is it really necessary for him to dance on a bar top with a bottle in his hand (see YouTube)? Is taking off your shirt in a club a prerequisite to having a good time?

No one is saying he needs to turn into the Church Lady, but he doesn’t always have to be Mr. Party. Not every outing has to be a public spectacle.

Then, of course, there’s this bit of brilliance from Second City Hockey. If you haven’t taken the time to read it, you should go do that now. I mean, it opens like this:

Dear Kaner,

Oh here we go again. You can’t help yourself, can you? But you know what Kaner, this isn’t an email to tell you that you’re a role model or that you’re representing the Hawks or any of that crap. You can do whatever you want. You’re 23, you’re a millionaire, you basically have a key to several cities. Take advantage, so few people are where you are.

But you have to stop, because you suck at it. Seriously, you’re like terrible.

I would have to agree with both stances, except I have to add to it.

There are two things I would like for Kane to consider.

1. Patrick Kane, you need new people.

Now, I know that, as an adult, Kane is responsible for his own actions and all that. But it’s clear to me that his friends are just encouraging his behavior instead of having their boy’s back.

I mean, when I was 23, I did my fair share of drinking — but I never got kicked out of bars or threatened with police intervention. My friends would have pulled me aside and went “Okay, time to go home” before I got to that point.

Does Kane have any of those people? Apparently not.

So, Kane, you need to go find yourself some new friends.

2. This is the more important point: Patrick Kane, learn how to make better life choices, for God’s sake.

This “but he’s only [x] years old” excuse that people use is starting to wear thin. I mean, honestly, “but he’s only 21” sounds plausible, but “he’s only 23” sounds less so. And do you ever hear people use “but he’s only 24” as an excuse? At this point, he’s going to either make up a terrible childhood to excuse his immature behavior or grow the eff up. I suggest the latter.

The fact is that, if he doesn’t start doing this, the Blackhawks organization will have to start asking some hard questions about his place on the team, and that sucks for everyone.

Last season, you said that it was time to grow up, Patrick Kane. Time to start living up to that.

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