LOL BYE DETROIT: Blackhawks 3, Red Wings 2 (SO)

I use this picture to anger Pat Foley and Eddie Olczyk. (Photo: Bridget Samuels/flickr)

I use this picture to anger Pat Foley and Eddie Olczyk. (Photo: Bridget Samuels/flickr)

So the Chicago Blackhawks clinched the Central Division title, assuring that they wouldn’t fall any further than third in the standings and also guaranteeing home ice advantage in the first round? And they did this while also doing damage to the Detroit Red Wings‘ playoff hopes?

I couldn’t think of a better goodbye for the Red Wings from the Western Conference, really.

Now I’m going to post Viktor Stalberg‘s goal, because Pat Foley and Eddie Olczyk hate him.

I don’t know why they hate him. The Epileptic Tree (WARNING: TV Tropes) is that Foley and Edzo are giving him such a hard time because Stalberg won’t sign an extension, so the front office is attempting to kill his value on the market by accentuating the negative. Or something like that.

Maybe he’s just kind of an asshole. I don’t know.

The Blackhawks then decided to move their collapse up a period early, allowing the Red Wings to go up 2-1 by the end of the second. Fortunately, this team has Jonathan Toews at times like these.

Blah blah blah game goes into a shootout blah blah Brandon Saad is amazing, the end.

The Blackhawks are now the last Central Division champions, just like they were the last Norris Division champions back in 1993 before the NHL decided on division names without any character whatsoever. Next year, the Blackhawks will be in Division 3, or C, or whatever the hell they’re calling it. (Please, please give it a better name than Division 3/C.)

I hope the Red Wings enjoy the Eastern Conference next year. I hope Zdeno Chara takes a dump on Jimmy Howard‘s head. I hope Steve Ott licks Henrik Zetterberg‘s beard. I hope PK Subban and Todd Bertuzzi fly into each other, causing a minor nuclear explosion of douchebaggery that takes down the crumbling facade of Joe Louis Arena once and for all. I hope Shane Doan and Niklas Kronwall break each other’s elbows. Wait, the Coyotes haven’t been moved to Quebec City yet? Hold that last one, then.

Goodbye, Red Wings! Maybe we’ll meet in the playoffs… if you make it, that is. If not, I’ll miss you — but most of all, I’ll miss hating you.

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