Revisiting the Blackhawks – Wild Series

Keith tells Brodin that one day, he too can star in a commercial shirtless.

Keith tells Brodin that one day, he too can star in a commercial shirtless.

Well that was about as exciting as watching Kane’s “beard” grow, eh?

Then again, did anyone really expect this series to have the hard-hitting intensity of the Blues/Kings matchup? Or the pure LOLZ of the hot mess that the Isles/Pens and Senators/Habs series evolved into? No, what most expected of this Wild/Blackhawks series was a quick, relatively painless romp by Chicago, with little drama and fanfare. And that’s what we got. I picked the Hawks in five — do I get a balloon drop now?

A few quick rants/thoughts:

– I bet y’all can’t wait to see more of this Wild team in CONFERENCE III. I’m sure the intensity (or the rivalry that the NHL attempts to shove down our throats) will pick up. But for the meantime, none of us will need to take Ambien after a Wild/Blackhawks game.

– Do the goalies in Minny get hazard pay? First, Niklas Backstrom breaks in the warm-ups of Game One. Then Josh Harding valiantly takes the reins, in the midst of his battle with MS, and gets injured by a Toews-Face in Game Four. Or Toews fell on him. Whatever. Darcy Kuemper, who is 12, mopped up for Harding in Games Four & Five, and didn’t do too well. I think I speak for the majority of fans in Chicago (and those who don’t feel this way have a combined IQ of 13) when I say we wish nothing but the best for Harding in his ongoing battle with MS. But sheesh, Minnesota, ya might want to address the goaltending in the offseason. That is if you can get a half decent one since you spent 67 ka-zillion dollars on Ryan Suter and Zack Parise for the next 600 years. Have fun with that.

– What the hell is up with the fans in St. Paul? All you heard from the Xcel Energy Center was
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO during Game Four. Y’all got 6 power plays that game (compared to the Hawks paltry 2) and the refs missed calls on both sides. For being the State of Hockey, you sure sounded like a bunch of whiny three-year-olds being told in Sears you get the newest Star Wars figures (Note: this was me in the late 70s). Were you booing the refs? Mike Yeo? Mother Nature for making winter run from October to May in that neck of the woods? For fuck’s sake, some of your fans aren’t smart enough to know you don’t put your beer on the ledge if you have glass seats. I hope that ding-dong liked having his pants smell of Grain Belt for the remainder of the game.

– If Michael Handzus can’t win a faceoff, he really should be regulated to getting Rocky more
money to wipe his butt with while in the press box in round two. I mean, isn’t that what the Hawks got him for (the faceoffs, not the butt wiping)? It’s a shock the Patricks can even get the puck, much less pile up the points like they did the last five games. And no, slotting Dave Bolland in there if his wee-wee area is fixed isn’t the answer either. Shift Sharp to center, or move Marcus Kruger up, because at least they can move faster than a Megabus going up a mountain.

– While we’re on the subject of the roster, chew on this: 7:38/7:13/6:19/3:55/9:05. Those were
the collected TOIs for Bollig/Carcillo in the five-game series. If you’re going to make a deep run in the playoffs, you can’t be double shifting Kane on the fourth line because the player you dressed can’t be trusted to play more time than it takes Brent Seabrook to eat one of those baseball helmet nachos. Please dress Ben Smith — he’s physical and can, you know, skate and score sometimes.

– I was going to bitch about all those ridiculous 8:30 starts we had to deal with in this round. Then I realized the Blackhawks might play San Jose in round two, AND YAY WEST COAST TIME ZONE. At least if the opponent is Detroit we’ll have all 6:00 starts. The Red Wings brass will cry and wet their pants if, god forbid, a game in the eastern/central time zone starts after 6:30 EST,

You’ll be seeing me soon. Once it’s determined whether the Hawks will play the Sharks or Red Wings in the next round. This should be goooooood.

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